Busking Adventures – Miscellaneous Tales

As I’m veritably swimming in exam stress flavoured jam right now, I don’t feel particularly obliged to write a really coherent post for you all, so instead here’s a somewhat half-hearted bullet point list of things that have been said to me while out busking, that haven’t quite managed adventures of their own. Some are nice, some are not so much, and others are just plain weird. Enjoy!

• “The Monkees would be proud of you!” Considering I keep forgetting half the words to their song, I doubt it, but thanks!

• “Go home to your parents!”

I’m sorry, but do I look homeless? Granted I had my hair down and it can be a little wild, but I wasn’t even wearing my fingerless hobo gloves.

More to the point though, if I had been homeless, what gives this loser the idea that he knows my situation? For all he knows I don’t have any parents; or they could be in care, or mentally unstable; or they’ve kicked me out because I don’t share their beliefs; or they abuse me so I’ve decided to move out; the list of possibilities goes on and on. Why does he think that based on absolutely zero evidence, he is qualified to tell me how to live my life? I’m 18, I’m entirely legally responsible for myself, why should I be living with my parents anyway? Plenty of my friends already pay rent to live at home.

Honestly I’m not that offended that he thought I was homeless, I’m offended on behalf of the homeless person I could have been. There she was this hypothetical homeless teenager, trying to make the best of a bad situation, earn some money to buy food and such, and he thinks it’s a good idea to shout at her and remind her of whatever awful situation renders her unable to live with her parents. What a douchbag!

• “Have you got a licence?” “No, you don’t need one here” I wasn’t quite sure at first if this guy thought it was his responsibility to police the high street of illegal musicians but I later decided that he was just trying to make conversation. He said he was just tired and he did seem genuinely interested, he gave me some money. Just wasn’t the best at conversation it seemed!

• “You’ve got the look for it too, people look at you and go AWWW she’s so sweet!” Oh great, so there I was thinking I’d earned this money, and it turns out it’s all because of the fact that I look somewhat like a child. I wanted to growl at this bloke but somehow I don’t think that would have helped.

• “Turrah darling” as I was leaving to catch a bus. I turned back and waved, thinking nothing of it and then I thought, ‘hang on, should I have done that?’ I’m still in the state of mind where if an elderly person calls you darling, it’s because they are old, and you are a five-year-old child. It’s literally only just occurred to me that perhaps now, when an aging man calls an 18-year-old girl darling, it’s not quite the same. People have wondered whether wolf whistling originally became a thing because this one time a construction worker whistled at a girl and she turned around and winked at him, and now loads of men think that that’s an acceptable thing to do. What if I have accidentally become that girl?

• “Your wonky teeth make your face interesting” I think I’ve shared this little nugget before on here, but again: wow, what a brilliant thing to say to a stranger!

• “Oh nah mate, nah, you tell her to go away, I like her music!” sarcastically one market person to another across the street. I’m sorry you have to put up with me for an entire hour a few times a month, but you could just ask me to go somewhere else, there are other places, I’d be happy to leave… if you weren’t so rude, I am right here you know.

• “You have a lovely voice!” Never fails to make me fall in love with whoever just said it. Seriously this is so encouraging when you’re not getting much money or the market people are getting you down, I’m going to make a point of saying this to people!

• “Sing up dear” I’m trying!

• “And what are you collecting for today then?” usually followed by “Errr just my university fund” which is sort-of-not-really true. To be honest at the moment I’m just trying to pay back a loan from my parents. I never really know what to think about the idea that people assume you’re doing a charity thing. Obviously charity things are great but people earn money for themselves in their lives too you know.

• “Do you know any George Formby?” Okay, I get that he is possibly the most widely known ukulele player ever but have you heard some of his lyrics? Possibly his most famous song: When I’m cleaning windows is all about the various ways he uses being a window cleaner to perve on women. I get that it’s a joke, and it was very funny I’m sure, but just imagine me as an 18-year-old girl singing that stuff on a crowded high-street… hmmm maybe not!

• “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” Yes, as it happens, yes I do. These Germans on a school trip had a sort of treasure hunt quiz to fill out in English but they didn’t understand the word ‘statue’ and they had to count them. I’m only doing German A level so ‘statue’ is a little niche for me too, but I was quite proud that I managed to explain to them that it meant “die Menschen aus Steine” – the people of stone. Helping real life German people with real life problems (this quiz was life and death, I’m telling you) Win!

• “This is going to sound a little weird but: nice to meet you” offering a handshake. There’s this guy who plays guitar, whom I’ve spoken to a few times and whom I always say hi to. One time I asked if I could do a song with him and it was ten minutes in before I realised that although I say hello to him on a regular basis, I hadn’t actually yet introduced myself to my new friend.

• “Would you like a cup of tea?” “I don’t actually drink tea but thanks anyway!” I thought he was a really lovely bloke until I looked at the business card he put in my case (bit cheeky!) and found what my friends and I could only guess was an advert for some sort of cult. Weird!

• “Excuse me, are you in a band?” “Well, sort of?” Turns out this woman thought I was in Keston Cobblers Club as I was playing some of their songs, proudest moment of my life!

Most people I meet are pleasant, polite and well-adjusted folk, honest!